The other day I was asking my grandfather, or Pompa as he is affectionately known in my family, if he was coming home for dinner. He had some errands to run and sometimes his errands keep him out for days (he’s old and moves slowly, but the dude can go).
I was planning to cook some sinigang, but only if he was coming home, to which he replied, “Oh. Marlyn told me she was also cooking sinigang.” That’s his wife. Kind of. Their marriage wasn’t peaceful which is why he now lives with us, but he still visits her apartment sometimes…mostly to see their dog.
I rolled my eyes.
When I turned to walk out of his room, he said, “Come here. I need to tell you something. One of the most important things you need to know in life.”
Intrigued, I walked back in, followed by my one year old. “You listen, too!”
Then he said,
I’m sure he mentioned this because of my aforementioned eye roll at the mention of his wife’s existence. And for clarification: I don’t hate the woman. I just don’t understand her or agree with her.
Back to this little nugget of life advice. This wasn’t news to me, but it was a good reminder.
There are some seriously misguided (misinformed or maladjusted) people in the world, and chances are you’ve run across one or two in your life, so far.
I’m not preaching some hippie bullshit about how forgiving them for whatever will help you heal. I’m saying that hate takes a lot of energy that could be better used elsewhere. Especially for a working, schooling, wifing, have-a-finger-in-everything mom like me. If you wrong me, I literally don’t have time to obsess about why. I don’t have the luxury to sit around moping. Sure, it might bother me for a split second, but life goes on. Life must go on.
That’s not to say that letting go doesn’t help you heal. For sure it does, especially if you’ve been cut deep. But the real benefit of letting go of hatred and negativity toward others is that you A) have energy for something else and B) don’t have a black cloud above your head threatening rain and thunder. In my experience, people harboring ill feelings toward others generally have a bad attitude about almost everything.
So what if Sally didn’t invite you to her 1st grade pool party? Or if Jackson still owes your $20 from 2 years ago that he swore was for food, but saw him post on Instagram the weed he just got 15 minutes after hopping out of your car? Or if your best friend suddenly wasn’t your friend anymore because of something you’re still slightly unaware of after 4 years? (Ok, the last one would still bother me, but I wouldn’t be too stuck on it.)
The point is, feel it then let it go. Especially if there’s nothing you can do to fix it or get resolve.
Thanks for the reminder, Pompa.